grace for the day

Oh dear, so much time has flown since I last sat down to share my life on this blog (sorry Dad!).  Life has been full in this last month.  Very crammed-full. 

tantivy

(adj.) in a headlong dash

faces

there are the sleepy morning faces (well, unless you're the morning person).

beautiful adventure (with a surplus of s'mores and coffee)

I had never been camping.  Not really.  I had slept in a tent before, but only eating food you cooked over the fire or having no access to indoor plumbing?  Never before!

long time, no blog

Look at these lovely young women... Yes, they are here in Utah with me and are the main reason I haven't blogged in weeks. 

remembrance

Today is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.  A day I didn't know existed until last autumn: the first October I lived with the burden of having lost a child. 

october days

"the world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places.  but still there is much that is fair.  and though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater."  j.r.r. tolkien

recipe... spicy chicken/italian soup

  

Hello friends!  It's that time of year again; the months of yummy casseroles and warm soups.  It is my favorite time of the year, so I thought I'd share a favorite meal in our home.  While I usually do all of the cooking during the weekdays, this is one Andrew and I tackle together!  I'm in charge of the chicken while Andrew is soup-master!

september: foxes and joy

Oh my word, September has flown away so quickly!  Just one more day and I will be entering my favorite month of the year... at least in Indiana, we'll have to see how things go here in Utah!  *wink*

crazy, bumpy roads

The title of this post is both figurative and literal.  Life is a crazy road full of bumps, twists, and unexpected obstacles.  My blog definitely demonstrates that.

once you are real

~facebook status from last week~

I was up late last night not feeling well... I was reading some things I'd written as a teenager and young-married... I started to feel all of the depression and hurt of this last year or so come crashing down on me... I sat in my dark living room, just crying. Crying because I hate being in physical pain... crying because I so badly want children... crying because change and new people are so hard for me... crying because, sitting in the silence, far away from home, sick, and still childless, my loneliness is suffocating.

september sun

to the ones who still believe in dreams...

Chase them.  Chase them until you're out of breath.

Then, keep running.

explorations

 

Dear friends, this corner of the country is rather swiftly working it's way into my heart.  The desert heat has been a struggle, but I need only hop in the car with Andrew and drive less than a half hour to escape into the cool, lush, glorious mountains.

I feel like Heidi (from the 1993 version starring Noley Thornton and Jane Seymour, of course), gazing at the wonder around me; feeling so small, yet so special in such a magical place.

  

numinous

Front door view... clouds rolling over the mountains

Even though the last week and a half has been physically difficult for me, there have still been these amazing nuggets of beauty.

lacey days

doctors and needles and pills

Disclaimer:  I do NOT! look like this right now... :-P

Oh my!

;-)

Today I find myself on prescription medication and collapsed on a couch eating saltines and Italian ice.  Yesterday seems like it happened years ago.

Let me back up a little bit.

recipe... yummy meatloaf

I was never much of a meatloaf lover as a child... then my mom found a recipe that changed my mind.  It was the best meatloaf I had ever tasted and I married a man who loved it as well.  Then we started eating in a simpler way and that recipe had to say goodbye.  

desert rain

I am surrounded by mountain and valleys... stretching, climbing landscapes that capture the attention *and heart* every day.

But the most beautiful thing I have experienced here is the rain.

anniversary

*Note

These pictures were not planned or posed.  Emotions flooded me, like they so often do, and my camera just happened to be in my hand.  As the loss washed over me, my heart screamed for me to capture this... not a stormy sob-session, just the quiet mourning that a mother's heart goes through every day that her child is not with her.

rainy-day joy

goodbye july

Oh, summer months.

Even though summer is, quite honestly, my least favorite season (I'm sorry... autumn, spring, and winter just have more perks!), there are still so many amazing and fun times to be had.

new abode

Upon special request from certain friends (you know who you are!), I recently took pictures of our new Utah-house.  Decorating is still in process in the living room, but it is starting to feel like "our place" more and more.

seeing, dreaming, living...

 

Seeing… much work to do; laundry to finish, suitcases to put away, lunch to be made.

Hearing... fans blowing and the clicking of my typing.  It is a quiet day so far.

awesome and oh-so-awkward

~ awe ~

Living with a mountain view!  These pictures don't even come close to capturing the beauty surrounding me!  Even driving around town, usually at least one mountain is visible.  I am so not used to this!  I'm feeling my flat-lander upbringing.  ;-)

  

tomorrow...

In the car heading to church last Sunday

Sunday.

Take it slow and give your soul a change to catch up with your body.

  

people-love... and blog survey!

I like people who have a sense of individuality.  I love expression and anything awkward and imperfect.  Because that's natural and that's real.

~ Unknown

dear...

... little table next to "my spot" on the loveseat,

Thank you for holding journals, mugs of coffee or tea, nail polish, my Bible, earrings, pens, dark chocolate, and many other little things I set on you throughout the day.  I like you. 

beneath the blue sky

a girl goes west... {otherwise known as "picture overload"}

Bekah getting in some big brother time!  <3

It has now been over a month since I last saw the rolling fields and towering forests that are my beloved Indiana.  It is amazing how a place can be so significant to you, not because you were born and raised there, but because of the little memories and amazing people that embody a location.

the sweetest days

 

 

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which

anything very splendid or

exciting happens

but just those that bring simple little pleasures,

following one another softly,

like pearls slipping off a

string."

 

~ Anne Shirley

into the unknown

i'm going on an adventure!

Mother/Daughter Banquet with my sisters, mom, and nana!

Crazy, amazing days...

Today is the day we have loaded the trailer with all our worldly goods in preparation for an early start tomorrow morning on the long haul to Utah.

Yes, the time has come.

when hopes are deferred

The dreaded (yet impatiently waited for) phone call has come.

Through the last two years my sweet husband and I have longed to start a family.   We waited, lost a child, then waited again.  Finally, we are seriously seeking answers.  I had two ultrasounds on Tuesday and have been anxiously awaiting my results since then.

stars in the darkness (anniversary photo shoot, part two)

It's hard for me to say the things

I want to say sometimes

There's no one here but you and me

And that broken old streetlight

Two Years {anniversary photo shoot, part one}

 Today Andrew and I are celebrating two years of marriage.

Seriously, time is flying.

coffee break

this last month

April is over and I can hardly believe it!

Most months are here for a while, then you say goodbye with a fond wave and excitement for the next thirty-so days to come.

April was more like: Oh, this is nice. I like April... wait!  What do you mean it's not April anymore?!

love lifted me

"All we like sheep have gone astray

We've turned, every one, to his own way

And God laid all of our iniquity on Him.

just bloom

hear the wind blow

due date

Promise

you were so small,

so tiny inside of me.

when I learned of

you

I cried and shook for

fear and

excitement…

in one second my life was

changed.

one step closer

the heart beneath

the smile you gave me

erin go bragh!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I hope you are all having a lovely Monday.  It has been a sweet and simple day for me after a busy weekend.  I've tidied my little home and can smell supper as it cooks.  *happy lady!*

snow flower

sister magic

At seven-thirty yesterday morning I was roused by her voice carrying from the living room as she belted out "Let it Go".

today is...

~ waking to birdsong

~ mussy hair, sleepy eyes,

winter-creaking body...

being a beauty

"for beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;

for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;

and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are

never alone."

~ audrey hepburn

 



the snow glows white

*introductory note: "The cold never bothered me anyway".  Yeah... I was pretty much numb by the end of this photo-shoot.  As much as I adore Frozen, I cannot relate to Elsa in this instance.*