Monday, March 9, 2015

where the heart is... indiana trip and second trimester

If home is where the heart is, my heart is in a constant state of confusion.  
Home is Andrew by my side.  Home is hearing Baby J's heart beating.  Home is the faces of my parents and siblings around me.  Home is where Promise waits for me.  Home tears me in different directions.

But the closest I have felt to "home" recently was the week I spent in Indiana.  For the first time in nine months, all of those dearest to me on this earth were with me... and it was beautiful.

We kept life simple.  We didn't even take many pictures.  We just focused on *being* together.

Hence why the only picture I had sent to me that included my sister's special man is us all playing a card game together and you can barely see his face and Jessie does not look impressed.  ;-)  His name is Jacob, by the way.  Yes, they are courting.  And yes (most importantly), Andrew and I like him.  I'm freaking out a little as a big sister, but couldn't help but love them together... Jacob and Jessie... yeah, they're pretty cute.

Something else that is cute is watching my hubby wrestle with my littlest siblings.  He's going to be such a good daddy!

Eh, Andrew being not-so-cute.

My family took a mini-vacation for three days.  Tons of snow and a cabin in the woods???  Sign me up!!!
I still struggled with nausea, but somehow the charm of the cabin made throwing up less terrible.  ;-)



Being with this lady was so amazing.  I've missed my Mom so much.  Thankfully she already has tickets bought to come see me next month (April cannot come soon enough)!!!

very cold... Andrew and Josh stayed in the car while we did some exploring

*happy sigh*  Everyone together!

Baby J update!  We reached the 13-week mark while in Indiana!


We didn't take any pictures the last day or when we said goodbye... too many emotions and the need for that time to stay private.  What an incredible week!  I can't wait till we're all together again.  <3

In life since the trip, I've had my first midwife appointment!  I switched from a regular OB when we figured out that everything was going normally.  I really like the lady I'm with now.  I'm now 14 1/2 weeks along and in the second trimester already!!!  I heard Baby J's heartbeat again last week and am getting so excited to find out next month if we're having a boy or a girl!  Continued prayers for baby's health and safety would be so appreciated... I can still be so anxious.  Prayers for my energy to return and for the nausea to ease would also be lovely.  I'm still not feeling much better and am getting *so* antsy to be able to set up this new house of ours (yes, finding out you're pregnant soon after moving puts a damper on decorating!).

One thing I'm loving right now is the March weather.  Yesterday Andrew and I were able to open up the house and get fresh air flowing!  That is a welcome change!

What has March been so far for you?  What are you looking forward to in the next month?


Thursday, February 19, 2015

when God says YES

Me and Baby J at 11 weeks!

Parenthood means sacrifice... and I am already glimpsing a small picture of what that looks like.

So far, motherhood has meant making sure everything I eat and drink is safe for my baby.
Motherhood means not taking that one medication that always helped my IBS issues.
Motherhood means forcing down stinky and nasty-tasting-making-me-gag pills several times a day.
Motherhood means laying on the couch in exhaustion after doing nothing!
Motherhood means throwing up with no warning.
Motherhood means my body changing, thickening, swelling out of my jeans and into more comfortable maxi skirts and elastic-waist pants.

And then I place my hand on my abdomen, beneath my churning stomach, and think of the galloping heartbeat I heard two weeks ago.
And it is already worth it.

Me and Baby J at 12 weeks!

Because what is throwing up when in six months I'll be holding my long-prayed-for child?
What is my body never being the same again compared to looking into the eyes of a life made from the love Andrew and I share?

These struggles are a miracle I thought I would never have! 
 The fact that when Andrew and I were trying to figure out how to get me medical help so we could start a family, dreading in our hearts that it would be a long and complicated journey... the fact that as I mourned each day that I was childless, knowing that my deep wish was that I would have at least seen a doctor by the time we visited my family in February... the fact that when we had stopped hoping because it just hurt too much THAT was the time God chose to say YES! is so beautiful and screams of how much He cherishes us.  We hadn't come to a new place of trust or surrender.  We were still heartbroken.  And this is how He is choosing to heal us. 
I am so thankful.

Tomorrow I set out for that February trip to see my family... I haven't been treated for infertility, instead I am almost finished with my first trimester of pregnancy.  *thankful, overwhelmed tears*

Please remember today how much God loves you, my friends.  He is a God who loves to say YES to His children and revels in our joy!  He doesn't always say yes when or in the way we want Him to, but He hears our hearts and loves to shower His grace upon us.  HE. LOVES. US.  Always remember.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

the skies i'm under ~ 1 year anniversary!

 It has now been a year since I renamed and revamped this blog of mine!!  Wow...

This last year has been such a journey: infertility struggles, two moves, driving across the country to live in Utah, a job change, health issues, switching from regular coffee to decaf (definitely worth noting!), and now a pregnancy!!

These pics were taken at 10 weeks, 2 days and they show the last time I've worn anything but pj's since then.  I am now 11 weeks along and as sick as a dog.  This last week has definitely been the hardest so far.

I've lost about 10 pounds overall and have finally given in and will be taking anti-nausea meds to help.  I will certainly be thankful when this part of pregnancy is over.  

One *amazing* bright spot is what I got to experience a week ago.  After being gently cautioned by my doctor that it might still be too early and to not freak out if we couldn't hear anything, a Doppler was placed on my tummy and Andrew and I were INSTANTLY greeted by a loud, strong Baby J heartbeat!!!  It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard... definitely an emotional moment for me.  Praising the Lord for the reassurance that all is well!


As you can see here, in a certain light you can tell that my middle is beginning to thicken.  *smile!*  Since I haven't gained any weight, clothes still fit pretty much the same... except maybe that pants aren't quite so comfy around the waist anymore.  Amazing how the body was built to sustain the baby even while the mother is struggling.  So happy that my body puts Baby J first!!!

On a different note, last weekend I had a day where I felt decent so Andrew took me to see Mockingjay, Part 1!  GAH!  Yeah, I really enjoyed it.  Definitely left emotionally drained (being pregnant does NOT help with keeping emotions in check!), but so impressed with how they brought the book to life.  I am currently in love with the song "The Hanging Tree".  So hauntingly beautiful.

In other news, one week from tomorrow Andrew and I will be flying out to see my family!!!!  It has been nine months since we were all together and I can't even express how excited I am (praying for the meds to help me while traveling especially).  I have missed my people like-beyond-crazy and can't wait to soak them all in for a week.  I will also be meeting someone who has become very important to my sister, Jessie... *oh, the suspense!*
So many pics to come, I'm sure!!!

Thank you so much for the continued prayers for Andrew, me, and Baby J!!!  Prayers for me to find some relief would be most appreciated so I can prep for the trip, endure the flights, and also feel well during our vacation.  So many adventures to come in this next year of blogging!!!