Sunday, May 8, 2016

*happy* mother's day

thank you, Andrew, for taking these pictures!!  i love you!
thank you, Rennie, for posing with mommy even though all you wanted was a nap! (hence her pouty face!)

2013 my heart was heavy this day.  We had been trying for almost a year to get pregnant with no success.  I bravely smiled through the Sunday service and hoped that next year would be different.

2014 the tears were impossible to hold back.  My baby's due date had recently passed and my arms were still empty.  God held baby Promise safe in eternity while my husband held me and told me "our time will come".  My dad gave me flowers at church along with all of the other mothers.  

2015 I was all nerves and excitement and fear.  I could feel a tiny girl kicking and squirming inside of me.  Healing was coming.  Wounds were closing.  

This year... this year there is joy.  And thankfulness.  And humility.
I am so undeserving of my sweet daughter.
Serenity is a gift beyond my dreams and a balm to my soul.  Scars remain, as does the ache to hold my first child in heaven one day, but today all of the hurt is overwhelmed by my full-to-bursting mommy's heart.
Today I wear the necklace I chose nearly three years ago in remembrance of Promise.  
Today I snuggle my babbling, ornery, growing, precious girl.  
Today I see the blessedness through all of the struggles and weariness.
Today I say a prayer for the friends who are still waiting for their healing.
Today I thank God for His faithfulness.

Happy Mother's Day!!


Thursday, April 28, 2016

renniebird... eight months

My baby-button is eight months old today.

This has been a month of explosion for her.  In mobility.  In personality.  And in volume (she made sure all of Costco was aware of her presence last Sunday... just happily hollering).  

I was told that the older I got the faster time would go.  And it is true.
Even though I'm "in the trenches" of motherhood with this girl, her life it still flying so quickly.

Honestly, it hasn't been easy.  Motherhood is the toughest job I've ever had.  But it is so amazing at the same time.  I am realizing how much I can be and do.  Seriously, if someone would have told me I would be going on 8+ months of never sleeping through the night and *still* functioning like a semi-sane human being, I would have laughed in their face and then gone to take a nap.  ;-)

Motherhood has stretched me.  And it continues to grow me.  I am so excited for that and that *this* adorable chunk of child is who God chose to stretch and grow me.  <3

she doesn't hold still for very long these days!

happiest when her hair is "exciting"

At eight months, Serenity:

Is extremely vocal, favorite "phrase" being "dadadada"
Is crawling with ease!
Pulls herself up to standing unassisted
Loves standing while holding my hands or a piece of furniture
Has attempted standing on her own
Weighs 25 pounds
Wears 12-18 month clothing
Loves hugs and kisses
Is getting into EVERYTHING
Loves sniffing :-P
Giggles when Andrew gets home from work
Loves chewing on mommy's hair


Friday, April 22, 2016


my birthday kind of snuck up on me this year.

between andrew's crazy work, mommying, and just the way time goes faster with each year you grow, my mind was sent a-whirling any time a family member asked me what i would like for a gift this year.
(and i had to stop myself from blurting out something cute i'd seen for rennie)

i am learning the worth of things for which there is no price tag.

being valued.
time together.

i am so thankful for the books and new pair of moccasins my hubby got me; they will be so loved!  ;-)  but even more exciting is the date we will *attempt* tomorrow... i can't wait to just be with my man amidst all of the busy.

goodbye twenty-two.  you were wonderful.  i became a baby-in-my-arms mommy with you.  we had some hard times, but also some incredible ones!

hello twenty-three.  the best is yet to come.