Thursday, February 19, 2015

when God says YES

Me and Baby J at 11 weeks!

Parenthood means sacrifice... and I am already glimpsing a small picture of what that looks like.

So far, motherhood has meant making sure everything I eat and drink is safe for my baby.
Motherhood means not taking that one medication that always helped my IBS issues.
Motherhood means forcing down stinky and nasty-tasting-making-me-gag pills several times a day.
Motherhood means laying on the couch in exhaustion after doing nothing!
Motherhood means throwing up with no warning.
Motherhood means my body changing, thickening, swelling out of my jeans and into more comfortable maxi skirts and elastic-waist pants.

And then I place my hand on my abdomen, beneath my churning stomach, and think of the galloping heartbeat I heard two weeks ago.
And it is already worth it.

Me and Baby J at 12 weeks!

Because what is throwing up when in six months I'll be holding my long-prayed-for child?
What is my body never being the same again compared to looking into the eyes of a life made from the love Andrew and I share?

These struggles are a miracle I thought I would never have! 
 The fact that when Andrew and I were trying to figure out how to get me medical help so we could start a family, dreading in our hearts that it would be a long and complicated journey... the fact that as I mourned each day that I was childless, knowing that my deep wish was that I would have at least seen a doctor by the time we visited my family in February... the fact that when we had stopped hoping because it just hurt too much THAT was the time God chose to say YES! is so beautiful and screams of how much He cherishes us.  We hadn't come to a new place of trust or surrender.  We were still heartbroken.  And this is how He is choosing to heal us. 
I am so thankful.

Tomorrow I set out for that February trip to see my family... I haven't been treated for infertility, instead I am almost finished with my first trimester of pregnancy.  *thankful, overwhelmed tears*

Please remember today how much God loves you, my friends.  He is a God who loves to say YES to His children and revels in our joy!  He doesn't always say yes when or in the way we want Him to, but He hears our hearts and loves to shower His grace upon us.  HE. LOVES. US.  Always remember.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

the skies i'm under ~ 1 year anniversary!

 It has now been a year since I renamed and revamped this blog of mine!!  Wow...

This last year has been such a journey: infertility struggles, two moves, driving across the country to live in Utah, a job change, health issues, switching from regular coffee to decaf (definitely worth noting!), and now a pregnancy!!

These pics were taken at 10 weeks, 2 days and they show the last time I've worn anything but pj's since then.  I am now 11 weeks along and as sick as a dog.  This last week has definitely been the hardest so far.

I've lost about 10 pounds overall and have finally given in and will be taking anti-nausea meds to help.  I will certainly be thankful when this part of pregnancy is over.  

One *amazing* bright spot is what I got to experience a week ago.  After being gently cautioned by my doctor that it might still be too early and to not freak out if we couldn't hear anything, a Doppler was placed on my tummy and Andrew and I were INSTANTLY greeted by a loud, strong Baby J heartbeat!!!  It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard... definitely an emotional moment for me.  Praising the Lord for the reassurance that all is well!


As you can see here, in a certain light you can tell that my middle is beginning to thicken.  *smile!*  Since I haven't gained any weight, clothes still fit pretty much the same... except maybe that pants aren't quite so comfy around the waist anymore.  Amazing how the body was built to sustain the baby even while the mother is struggling.  So happy that my body puts Baby J first!!!

On a different note, last weekend I had a day where I felt decent so Andrew took me to see Mockingjay, Part 1!  GAH!  Yeah, I really enjoyed it.  Definitely left emotionally drained (being pregnant does NOT help with keeping emotions in check!), but so impressed with how they brought the book to life.  I am currently in love with the song "The Hanging Tree".  So hauntingly beautiful.

In other news, one week from tomorrow Andrew and I will be flying out to see my family!!!!  It has been nine months since we were all together and I can't even express how excited I am (praying for the meds to help me while traveling especially).  I have missed my people like-beyond-crazy and can't wait to soak them all in for a week.  I will also be meeting someone who has become very important to my sister, Jessie... *oh, the suspense!*
So many pics to come, I'm sure!!!

Thank you so much for the continued prayers for Andrew, me, and Baby J!!!  Prayers for me to find some relief would be most appreciated so I can prep for the trip, endure the flights, and also feel well during our vacation.  So many adventures to come in this next year of blogging!!!


Monday, February 2, 2015

from my new home: the couch

For about the last month, life has been going to the bathroom a lot, being tired and nauseated all of the time, and throwing up more times than I can count.  I am pretty much living on our couch and our red, fuzzy blanket is my new best friend.

Life has also been counting days and weeks, marking milestones as Baby J grows.  Each week brings new miracles and the hope in my heart makes the physical trials *so very* worth it.


 By God's grace I do sometimes feel decent enough to function every so often.  I had a couple of hours one day last week that I was able to breathe without gagging.  ;-)  So, instead of washing dishes or getting out the vacuum, I decided to put away the remainder of our winter decor and create a little "love tree" for the month of February.  Ferrel the Fox had to make an appearance, even though the giant butterflies quite terrify him.

By the way, Andrew calls this creation our "Valen-pine". 

And, speaking of Valentine's Day, I can hardly believe this next one will be my 5TH with Andrew and 3RD as his wife!!!  Love sure makes time fly!

I've also cut my hair since my last post.  Andrew is becoming quite a good beautician and we have a good system figured out: he makes sure everything is even in the back and I form the front.  It saves money AND is a fun marriage-bonding experience.  :-D

Yesterday was the first afternoon in two weeks that I felt good enough to wear anything besides comfy pj's, so I thought it was a good time to get a pregnancy update picture!  This is 9 weeks, 3 days!  No visible bump yet, but all other physical signs are very strong.  Very.  How I feel this morning is a perfect example.  ;-)  According to several different sources, Baby J is around the size of a green olive... or a grape... or a cherry...  You get the idea!

Thank you so much for the continued prayers...  To those sweet friends I have met along my journey who are also struggling to grow a family, please know that I think of you often and pray for you!  You have been such a soothing balm to my heart as I struggled with infertility/baby-loss and your encouragement now as I journey through pregnancy is so beautiful.  God hears your hearts, dear ones.  I love you all!!!

Hope you all have a lovely Monday.  I'm going to try to eat some toast.