Thursday, February 19, 2015

when God says YES

Me and Baby J at 11 weeks!

Parenthood means sacrifice... and I am already glimpsing a small picture of what that looks like.

So far, motherhood has meant making sure everything I eat and drink is safe for my baby.
Motherhood means not taking that one medication that always helped my IBS issues.
Motherhood means forcing down stinky and nasty-tasting-making-me-gag pills several times a day.
Motherhood means laying on the couch in exhaustion after doing nothing!
Motherhood means throwing up with no warning.
Motherhood means my body changing, thickening, swelling out of my jeans and into more comfortable maxi skirts and elastic-waist pants.

And then I place my hand on my abdomen, beneath my churning stomach, and think of the galloping heartbeat I heard two weeks ago.
And it is already worth it.

Me and Baby J at 12 weeks!

Because what is throwing up when in six months I'll be holding my long-prayed-for child?
What is my body never being the same again compared to looking into the eyes of a life made from the love Andrew and I share?

These struggles are a miracle I thought I would never have! 
 The fact that when Andrew and I were trying to figure out how to get me medical help so we could start a family, dreading in our hearts that it would be a long and complicated journey... the fact that as I mourned each day that I was childless, knowing that my deep wish was that I would have at least seen a doctor by the time we visited my family in February... the fact that when we had stopped hoping because it just hurt too much THAT was the time God chose to say YES! is so beautiful and screams of how much He cherishes us.  We hadn't come to a new place of trust or surrender.  We were still heartbroken.  And this is how He is choosing to heal us. 
I am so thankful.

Tomorrow I set out for that February trip to see my family... I haven't been treated for infertility, instead I am almost finished with my first trimester of pregnancy.  *thankful, overwhelmed tears*

Please remember today how much God loves you, my friends.  He is a God who loves to say YES to His children and revels in our joy!  He doesn't always say yes when or in the way we want Him to, but He hears our hearts and loves to shower His grace upon us.  HE. LOVES. US.  Always remember.



Natasha Atkerson said...

Yep, our God is an awesome, all powerful Savior and friend.
A modest fashion blog:

OldFashionGirl said...

Wowzer! Parise our Abba Father! I too understander that whole hard issue of surrender, and too have tasted the sweet things that happen when we do! Praise God! And bless you, your hubby and that budding little one! May the Lord, bless you, keep you and make His face shine down upon you! Amen!

Katrina Shoemaker said...

Congrats Rachel!!! I pray that you have a smooth second and third trimester and that delivery goes well. :)

Hannah Barta said...

Oh, how wonderful, Rachel! I am so excited for the way God has blessed you, both with this baby and your amazing love for Him :-)

dance a real

Julia Ryan said...

Praise the Lord! You are so beautiful..the joy you show is so encouraging! I want to be a doula..I'm actually praying that God will open up doors for me to start training this Fall, so seeing your journey has helped me a lot by seeing what pregnancy is truly like. :) Your baby is so blessed by having such a strong Momma.. I am praying for you! ♥

Anonymous said...

Love. <3

Grace M said...

Aww, Rachel you are glowing!! Baby J is so blessed already. :)
God Bless!

Danielle Fisher said...

Rachel, thank you for the beautiful reminder of God's love toward us! This reminds me of the story of Abraham and Sarah and how they wrestled to believe God's promise...and then God gave them Isaac. You're right that God doesn't always say YES when or how we want Him to, but He does delight in the joy of His children.

Reading this made my day that much brighter. Thank you again for sharing! :D

God bless,

Jess McKinney said...

aww this is so precious!

Danielle Fisher said...

Rachel, you are so beautiful! The most beautiful thing about you is the way you trust and love Jesus with all your heart. Thank you for keeping us updated on the baby. I'm so glad to hear you are doing well!

a vapor in the wind