List Burning, Anyone?

When I was single, sometime during highschool, I made three lists.  Each one had certain things listed about what I wanted in a man someday.

The first was the "Must Be" List.  He must be a Christian.  He must hold to the same Theological beliefs as myself.  He must desire purity.  He must love God.  He must want children.  He must believe in homeschooling (or at least be supportive of it).  On this list was the no brainer, duh!, stuff. 

The second was the "Preference" List.  I would prefer if he was ministry-minded.  I would prefer if he was musically inclined.  I would prefer if he was taller and older than me.  On this list were the things that he didn't absolutely have to be, but a man with these qualities would definitely be a better candidate for marriage.

The third was the "Icing on the Cake" List.  I would love if he didn't want to own animals.  I would love it if he liked Mexican food.  I would love it if he enjoyed Lord of the Rings.  This list included many little things that would just make him perfect for me.

Those lists were extensive.  They included things spiritual to hair color, hobbies to not snoring.  I had the picture all figured out, the exact man God must have out there somewhere just for me.  A man He had created specifically for me, my needs, and even my desires.  A man who would be my ideal partner in everything, making my life complete.  And no one less would do!  He would be the perfect mix of poet and soldier with a Richard Armitage look about him.

And then I met Andrew.  Oh my.

Andrew did fill all of the "musts".  But, of course, that was the most basic list.  When it came to the second list, he fit about half.  The third list was painful (I think I listed almost all of the items he filled). 

He was nothing like the man I thought I would marry.  He hunted rattle snakes in his spare time.  He didn't much care to read outside of schooling.  He said "pert near" (okay, that is kind of adorable).  He tucked in his shirts.  The list goes on and on showing all of the ways he was so NOT the man I had dreamed up for myself.

And now I thank God for that.

You see, there is this terrible danger in making lists.  I know, it might help us weed out the infidels, but it also puts this terrible standard on all of the good men around us.  A man we know could be a wonderful guy, and possibly a wonderful potential spouse, but oh no! he doesn't fit item 165 on my "Preference" List.  *crosses him off with a sigh, "He's not good enough for me either"*

One thing I have seen over and over is that some of the best marriages are made from people who are practically NOTHING alike.  They have a shared love for the Lord, but she likes to bike and he likes to run.  She likes camping and he likes computers.  She loves animals and he has allergies.

In our case, I love books and he loves video games.  I love coffee and he loves Dr. Pepper (bleck!).  I love leisurely walks and he loves fishing.  I love flip-flops and he loves boots.  I love shooting a camera and he loves shooting a gun. 

See a pattern there???  ;-)

What I realize now when I look back on those lists is that my perspective was terribly wrong.  In fact, those lists only scream of selfishness.  How he would fulfill ME.  How he would be perfect for ME.  How, in many ways, he would be just like ME!

To steal the words of another writer, "I made a man in my own image".  I never considered how I would need to step out of my comfort zone to enjoy life with him. 

Marriage is a sacred thing and, of course, you shouldn't marry just anybody.  There do need to be standards, but not yours.  Instead, seek out what the Lord requires a man to be and also realize that no man will be perfect, just as you are not. 

One more thing you must realize is that no earthly man will ever fulfill you.  He may make you feel so special, so cherished, and oh so loved.  But the Lord has placed a desire deep inside of you that only He can fill.  If you hang your heart on a list that creates your perfect match, it will only be broken.  If you set your contentment on one man's ability to love you, you will only feel like he has failed you.

To my single friends, I say... your future husband just doesn't have to be John Thornton to be your dashing young man.  He doesn't have to be the next great leader of the faith to be a Godly husband and father.  He doesn't need to have poetry memorized to be romantic.  And, I know it's hard to accept, but he doesn't need to have an accent either. 

Fix your heart on Christ in the meantime.  It will be hard most days.  But only He can see your heart, read your mind, and know how best to help you.  No man will ever be able to do that.

To my married friends I say, just keep loving your man for exactly who he is and spur him on to godliness.  God has chosen you for each other.  Even the differences.  They can make life even more exciting!

Honestly, I can only be so thankful to my Lord that He brought me a man who is so different from anything I expected.  God has shown me that He is SO much wiser than me and loves me far too much to give me a man just like myself.  Instead He gave me someone far more perfect and better.  Andrew, His choice for me.

And that really is the story of my life and love.  That God brought together a girl from the city and a boy from the west.  We are bare feet and cowboy boots.  We are vintage lover and snake wrangler.  We are delicate lace and durable jeans.  And we are so in love.

And how God loves us for giving us to each other.