Wednesday, October 4, 2017

the next step

"Today is a good day for a good day."
Spent the night in vivid dreams of being pregnant again. The best dreams are the hardest to wake from. My doctors appointment to start the journey of hopefully discovering why it is hard for us to have babies is one week away. Last time we scheduled this kind of appointment I got pregnant before I had to go. That didn't happen this time. It's frustrating. It's scary. It hurts to keep hoping that doctors and tests won't be our reality. It's hard when you have a list of beautiful baby names you might not get to use. But today (as I sniffle through the hard that is allergies) the birds are chirping and Rennie is here and tonight is date night and I am beloved. Even with all the ick surrounding it, this is a day made by God. It is worth enjoying.

~ my instagram six days ago

Tomorrow I see a doctor.  Honestly, I am okay with that.  I'm ready to start understanding more definitely what's up.  I'm nervous and, honestly, frustrated that it is needed for something that should be so "natural".  But I'm okay.  Not knowing has been really hard.  And I have the added distraction of Andrew's parents arriving on Friday, so there's something happy to anticipate.  

We probably won't learn anything new tomorrow.  It's just the next step to discovering more.  If I come to mind, please pray for the doctor and I to get along (I've never met her!) and for answers to come quickly.

Today I'm trying to hold onto the present: this rainy day with Andrew unexpectedly home from work.  Trying to focus on little things like dusting, cooking dinner, preparing the guest room, and Wednesday night Bible Study.  This day... and tomorrow... and all of the hard and beautiful days... they are all ordained by God and covered with sufficient grace.

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them." (Psalm 139:14-16)

Have a beautiful one, my friends!



Ariella said...

I found your blog by our mutual interest of coffee. ;)

Best of luck to you in your journey. God bless!

Becca Weston said...

Praying your appointment goes well and you get some answers!! ❤️