Thursday, January 3, 2013

count your every blessing...

It is hard sometimes to praise and trust God.
Even when I have so much to be thankful to Him for.
Even when He has shown His faithfulness to me
over and over.
In the tenseness, in the doubt, in the fear, in the worry, in the not knowing, in the hopes deferred...
I so easily lose sight of everything else. 

As I shared with my Mom today about my struggles, as she took on those hurts like the wonderful mother she is, she reminded me of something... something the Lord had been teaching her as well.
When something doesn't go the way we expect or want, we focus on that one little thing, instead of all the other amazing good things that are happening to us every day.  We fixate on the 5% negative instead of basking in the 95% positive.

So I'm listing blessings again.  Because I am a visual person.  I need to see those blessings, written down in front of me, so I don't forget to keep seeing them.

They aren't anything big and important.  They aren't life-changing.  They don't make the hard stuff disappear.

But they do make the hard things seem more temporal, which they are, and my God seemed all the more loving, which He is, in the little things that He gives me each day.  The blessings He lets me see.

- warm moccasins
- conviction
- rose patterns on lace
- long braids
- jasmine scented lotion
- a blanket of snow
- a phone call from a dear friend
- compassion
- prayers from people I've never met
- that colorful purse from Jessie
- 12 grain bread, toasted
- Bible with some pages too full for more notes
- a Lord who sees my tears
- music that stirs my heart
- laughing my head off with Andrew
- pinecones tipped with snow
- that God knows

Nothing profound.  So simple.  Or maybe the simplicity of it makes it profound.  Just seeing what God has done, is doing, makes what I don't see yet a little less worrisome and, perhaps, a little more beautiful.

With this brand new year looming ahead of me, I find myself at a place when I cannot (emotionally... mentally) make a huge list of resolutions.  Please forgive me, readers, if I don't convict and astound you with my goals for the next year.  Right now, I can only pray for strength from the Lord to trust, to grow, and to see.  To trust Him with my life, my future, my fears, myself.  To grow in my relationship with Christ to the extent that my life feels so incredibly void without Him that I can't stand it for a moment.  And to see.  See what He has done so that I can trust.  See what He is doing so that I can grow.
And through what He has done and is doing, to see who He is, so that I may see myself as He sees me.

So, for now, I count blessings.  Big and small.  And I hang on for dear life, because I've seen what the Lord can do when I am close to Him... and, though it has never been easy, it is always amazing.

And I can't wait to see what is in store for this next year.

God bless, my friends!


Anonymous said...

You inspire I join you in counting blessings so I can also "see". Love you dear one.
You are on my list of blessings!!! :) I pray that I will never fail in praying for you and Andrew.

Annie said...

Thanks for sharing, Rachel. Such a sweet post!