Monday, August 29, 2011

In a Dry and Weary Land...

It has been a hard day.

Very. Hard.

It started with not being able to get the warm, refeshing shower that is part of my daily routine.

Then I fell down the stairs.  And I hurt all over now; stiff neck, bruised arm.  I banged up my healing finger... and can no longer bend it the way I could without a lot of pain... something I'd worked hard at getting through and now I have to start over.

My special-needs brother had a hard weekend and it carried over into today.

I don't think I got enough sleep. 

I miss having friends my age to talk to on days like this.

And I've lost count of how many times I've cried either out of pain or frustration today.

It is days like today that I don't pray for a Christ-like attitude.
It is days like today that I pray for the desire to pray for a Christ-like attitude.

It is days like today that I lash out.
Angry and hurting.

And I don't want to act like Jesus...
I want to wallow in my frustration.

It is days like today that I want to leave my life behind.
Be someone else, somewhere else.

And I don't want to work it out.
I want to run away.

I lay on my bed this afternoon, trying to cry all the tears I had,
the tears that won't stop coming.
I press "play" on a list of songs I've put together on my laptop...
the list labelled "Calming".

Soft music soothes.
Tears slow.
Sweet lyrics float to the ears...

In a dry and weary land,
Lord, You are the rain...
In a sea of shattered ones,
Your love comes rushing in.

You hold the world within Your hands,
And see each tear that falls...
Through every fire and every storm,
You're always enough...

Always enough...

It is hard to hear such words when the soul is in such turmoil.
It hurts.

I see my doubt and my fear.

I remember that it is in the dark valleys that the stars shine brightest,
shouting God's glory.

His faithfulness.

Even though the journey's hard
And I know the road in long,
He's the One who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.

And after all that I've been through,
Now I realize the truth:
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God.

Lord, help me find Your love in my frustration,
Your joy in my heartache,
Your peace in my fear,
Your glory in this valley.

Help me to want to be like You.

Help me to remember that You are always...



God bless you, my friends... He has truly blessed me... every day, no matter how hard, I am still His child and I still have His eternal love. 

That makes the worst of days glorious.

I think I will go and take that relaxing shower now.  :-)


Melanie said...

Oh, how I can relate, friend! So thankful He quieted your heart.

Many Blessings as you seek to rest in Him this evening, Rachel.

Our Journey said...

It is refreshing to hear such honesty. So often we Christians like to pretend everything is great, when its not so great. We put on a smile, when in reality we are hurting inside.

God is always enough for us, but sometimes we dont want Him. Thank you for sharing your heart.

God Bless
Adam and Samantha

Anonymous said...

Thank You, Lord for filling Rachel up with Your love and comfort. Thanks for filling us all! I love you dear one. And I'm praying for you. I'd rather be with you through the worst days so we can praise the Lord together. And I LOVE the good days. Praising Him for those, too! Love, Marmee