Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Waiting Game

Her heart raced. She felt like everyone could hear its frantic and heavy beating. He was here. He was even more handsome than she’d remembered. He looked over in her direction and their eyes met. He smiled. Her heart stopped. He held out his hand to shake hers and spoke a few words of greeting. She hoped he couldn’t see how nervous and excited she was. After a moment of casual conversation, they parted ways. They would see each other again soon. This next week they would be working side by side along with many other people their age.

Lydia was sixteen and had fantasized about Jamison since the day she’d met him a year ago. He was tall, athletic, and musical. His smile was broad. He was a year older than her and had made her feel so special the previous summer. That’s what he’d called her: special. His attention had left her head whirling and had been the cause of much teasing from her friends. Now, after months of being apart, he was back in her life. So much had changed for her in that time: she had grown spiritually, matured, and her attitude towards him now, she knew, needed to be different. That night as she lay in her bed, her thoughts turned to Jamison again. Sure, he was a little full of himself… but weren’t most guys his age? He was probably used to attention with how good-looking he was. She knew that inside he had to be someone special.
“Oh God,” Lydia prayed, “help me to show him that I’ve changed. Help me to say no to the flirting, the looks, the teasing. Help me to be the person you want me to be.”

The next day was a turmoil of keeping her thoughts on her work and still trying to have a chance to talk with Jamison. She felt herself getting frustrated when she was distracted by him or blushed when he paid her a compliment. This wasn’t the new her! It seemed to be last summer all over again!
Hard-to-get. That’s what she’d have to be. No blushing, giggly, little girl here!

It seemed to work. He still hung out with her sometimes, but she could feel a difference. Now perhaps they’d be able to talk and she could share what God had been doing in her life! With the flirting gone, he could take her seriously!
Walking from one assignment to the next she was light-hearted as she thought of the possibilities. Jamison thought she was special. He liked being around her. Her heart began to beat wildly again.
Then, in one moment, her thoughts stopped. Her heart felt like it had dropped to her feet, yet was up in her throat choking her. She could see him, not too far away. And he wasn’t alone.

Renee. She was everything Lydia wasn’t. She was petite, almost a foot shorter than Lydia. Uniquely pretty. Her clothes were just revealing enough to be provocative. Lydia had tried smiling at her and being friendly, but the girl hadn’t responded. Now Jamison was walking next to her, getting to know her. She was bright-eyed and animated. For a brief moment his arm came up around her shoulders and she smiled up at him.
Lydia couldn’t make herself watch anymore. Her shoulders sagged as she drug her feet through the last hours of the day.

Hardly more than 24 hours had passed since their meeting. Jamison’s smile had made her want to smile and dance. Now she lay in bed near tears.
Her dreams were shattered. Even if Jamison wasn’t interested in Renee, that only made it worse. Lydia could see the truth. He had given her attention, yes, but he was just as willing to give it to any other girl who smiled at him. He’d turn on his charm and enjoy it all. Maybe he didn’t even mean to. Maybe he didn’t see how many girls he could hurt, but Lydia could see it. And it stung. Bitterly.

It took sheer determination to get through the rest of the week. Lydia prayed that God would teach her something through this, even though the hurt was so deep that she didn’t really want to learn, only pity herself.

So many girls have experienced something similar to this, myself included. Names, situations, and amount of compromises differ, but even the smallest splinter can fester and cause a great deal of pain. It makes me so sad to know that young women are going through hurt they shouldn’t have to experience in their search for Prince Charming.
But again, maybe that’s the issue. Women have a tendency towards impatience when it comes to the romantic side of their life. We search, we hunt, we sacrifice things we shouldn’t for the sake of love. One thing we don’t ever want to do is wait. We think, “God loves me, but so-and-so doesn’t seem to know I exist! How will I ever get married if I’m not even noticed?”

One thing I observed a lot as God changed my heart and behavior was that I didn’t get quite as much attention as before from the young men I knew. Maybe it was the more modest clothing, maybe it was my unwillingness to flirt, maybe it was my heart to please Christ and conservative beliefs. I don’t know and, honestly, it doesn’t matter! God has shown me that the kind of man He has for me isn’t the kind that would give inappropriate attention or engage in idle flirting with just any girl. The men God wants for His daughters are men after His own heart. And the daughters He is pleased with are those who seek purity and are willing to wait for Him to write their romance. Any endeavors we make on our own will prove fruitless and only damage our hearts.
God desires for us to live above reproach; that includes our romance. He wants the best for us, which includes our husbands being true, Godly men, and our “one and only love”.

Is it hard to wait? Um, yeah. But it’s worth it.

The more you trust, the more God reveals.
The deeper you love Him, the more He can use you.
The more you delight in Him, the more He fulfills your desires.
And when you’re willing to wait, there’s no telling what God has in store for you!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That story touched me so much. I had the same experience and it hurt me deeply. Thanks for those encouraging words!!